Fireman Sam (30.05.07)

These guys might not look very similar to me, but pretty soon they're all going to sound *just* like me... Hurrah! xx

It's official!! (22.05.07)

Well, I did it. Tonight, I did my first ever stand-up comedy gig.

Brilliant. I really enjoyed it! Bring it on... more of the same please!!

By the way, if you're ever in South London (I know, I know, as if!) then head to the Live Bar in Deptford on a Tuesday night. Open Mic night - and it's fun!!

I'm going to bed now. With a whacking great grin on my face...!

xx

ps - Oh dear. I'll never be cool, will I!?

Sanc-titty of marriage preserved (18.05.07)

Well, it's good to see that TV programming is clawing its way back up the respectable pile. Behold - the latest offering from quality programming denizens MTV: Jodie Marsh: Who will take her up the aisle? I kid you not. MTV have this to say about it:

The tabloid stunner scours the nation for a hubby this summer with MTV. It could be you…

Gentlemen please, calm yourselves – and form an orderly queue.
Yes, you read it right. The delectable Jodie Marsh is sick and tired of the single life, and she’s asked MTV to help find her a hubby. She’ll be touring venues across the country over the next two months where would-be Prince Charmings will line up to audition for her affections.

Our cameras will follow the girl with the strangest nose in showbiz on her quest, all culminating in a fairytale wedding this summer. One way or another, Jodie’s getting married. And you could be the lucky fella saying “I do” – just make sure you come down to one of the tour dates below. You can download an application form from www.marryjodiemarsh.com.

Totally Jodie Marsh is coming to MTV this summer.

Honestly. There are no words.

Creed (13.05.07)

I have just discovered this poem. It is my new 'favourite thing'. Thank you, Jon...

Creed

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing
because when you ask the dead what happens
they say Nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

by Steve Turner