I am a duck, I am an is-land (18.07.06)
I’m sure I’ve probably blogged about this before. If I could be bothered, I’d scroll down and check. But I can’t. I feel listless. And a bit flat. This morning, at just after 10 am, I found this in my inbox…
Thank you for auditioning for Another Play That You Really Wanted to Do. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and working so hard on your audition speech. However on this occasion we have decided to not ask you through to the next round of auditions. We will of course keep your details on file and let you know about any other opportunities that arise.
Harrumph. Another suitcase, another hall, another rejection. But, what makes me feel listless and flat is not actually the fact that there’s yet another play that will go ahead without me – there’s yet another step that I failed to take on my own personal career ladder (although, if I keep on like this for long enough that may start to depress me too…)
No. What’s really getting to me today is that it isn’t really getting to me. Yes, I really wanted to do that job. Yes I’m gutted that I didn’t get it. But am I proper upset? No. Have I cried? No. Have I even choked or teared up a little bit? Nope. Did I just mark the email for archive in the right folder, sigh, put it down to experience and wonder what I could apply for next? Yup. Like water off a duck’s back.
Now, on the one hand I’m quite proud of this. I’m happy about the fact that I have developed a thick enough skin, a mature enough outlook, and enough confidence in who I am outside of my career to shrug, think well, hey ho, perhaps not this time, eh? What’s next?
On the other hand – it’s quite sad to think that I’m in an industry where rejection is like a rite of passage. You don’t get turned down for everything for at least 3 years, you haven’t earned your right to be on the way up, my dear.
But of course, with great power comes great responsibility, and with great boredom comes a great amount of time to ‘think’. Just what I need. So, naturally, I find my self on the horns of a dilemma. (Although, naturally, it’s more a dilemma of philosophy than one of action – I’m not actually going to DO anything about anything...)
Is it better to have shone and lost, than never to have shone at all?
That audition that I did last week, the one to which the snippet above was the response, was damn good. I thought it went really well. Seriously. I acquitted myself with grace, poise, and a generous smattering of theatrical prowess. I was re-directed, and I took the direction well, and was generally proud of what I’d done. I came out of there knowing that if I didn’t get the job, it’d be because I didn’t fit the part, not because I’d messed up. But is this better?
Is it better to know that you tried your best and just weren’t good enough (or just weren’t right), or to not get a job and then look back on the audition and say – well, yes. I was a little below par that day. That’d be why.
I’m going with the former. I’d say that for 8 professional actors in 10, if you don’t get the part, chances are that it’s much more likely to be because you didn’t fit the director’s idea of what s/he wanted as much as the next person. This possibly because most pro actors are around the same level of ability, but mainly because directors are increasingly placing MUCH more emphasis on looks than on talent or ability as the phenomenon of reality TV ploughs ever onwards.
If you find solace in the latter, then you’re making excuses for your craft. There’s always a reason that you’re rejected – more often than not, it’s something outside your control (I can’t be 5’ 6" or a size 10, if that’s what they’re determined they want) sometimes it highlights an area that you might need to work on (I could do with honing some of my impersonations – they’re a bit rough round the edges. And in the middle.). But surely better to know that you’ve done your best and just weren’t right, than to think that you didn’t do your best and if only you had your time over again, you’d be better at this and that and...
No regrets. Be the best of what you can be, and control as much as you can. The rest is out of your hands, and, if you’re wise, like water off a duck’s back.
Thank you for auditioning for Another Play That You Really Wanted to Do. We really appreciate you taking the time to apply and working so hard on your audition speech. However on this occasion we have decided to not ask you through to the next round of auditions. We will of course keep your details on file and let you know about any other opportunities that arise.
Harrumph. Another suitcase, another hall, another rejection. But, what makes me feel listless and flat is not actually the fact that there’s yet another play that will go ahead without me – there’s yet another step that I failed to take on my own personal career ladder (although, if I keep on like this for long enough that may start to depress me too…)
No. What’s really getting to me today is that it isn’t really getting to me. Yes, I really wanted to do that job. Yes I’m gutted that I didn’t get it. But am I proper upset? No. Have I cried? No. Have I even choked or teared up a little bit? Nope. Did I just mark the email for archive in the right folder, sigh, put it down to experience and wonder what I could apply for next? Yup. Like water off a duck’s back.
Now, on the one hand I’m quite proud of this. I’m happy about the fact that I have developed a thick enough skin, a mature enough outlook, and enough confidence in who I am outside of my career to shrug, think well, hey ho, perhaps not this time, eh? What’s next?
On the other hand – it’s quite sad to think that I’m in an industry where rejection is like a rite of passage. You don’t get turned down for everything for at least 3 years, you haven’t earned your right to be on the way up, my dear.
But of course, with great power comes great responsibility, and with great boredom comes a great amount of time to ‘think’. Just what I need. So, naturally, I find my self on the horns of a dilemma. (Although, naturally, it’s more a dilemma of philosophy than one of action – I’m not actually going to DO anything about anything...)
Is it better to have shone and lost, than never to have shone at all?
That audition that I did last week, the one to which the snippet above was the response, was damn good. I thought it went really well. Seriously. I acquitted myself with grace, poise, and a generous smattering of theatrical prowess. I was re-directed, and I took the direction well, and was generally proud of what I’d done. I came out of there knowing that if I didn’t get the job, it’d be because I didn’t fit the part, not because I’d messed up. But is this better?
Is it better to know that you tried your best and just weren’t good enough (or just weren’t right), or to not get a job and then look back on the audition and say – well, yes. I was a little below par that day. That’d be why.
I’m going with the former. I’d say that for 8 professional actors in 10, if you don’t get the part, chances are that it’s much more likely to be because you didn’t fit the director’s idea of what s/he wanted as much as the next person. This possibly because most pro actors are around the same level of ability, but mainly because directors are increasingly placing MUCH more emphasis on looks than on talent or ability as the phenomenon of reality TV ploughs ever onwards.
If you find solace in the latter, then you’re making excuses for your craft. There’s always a reason that you’re rejected – more often than not, it’s something outside your control (I can’t be 5’ 6" or a size 10, if that’s what they’re determined they want) sometimes it highlights an area that you might need to work on (I could do with honing some of my impersonations – they’re a bit rough round the edges. And in the middle.). But surely better to know that you’ve done your best and just weren’t right, than to think that you didn’t do your best and if only you had your time over again, you’d be better at this and that and...
No regrets. Be the best of what you can be, and control as much as you can. The rest is out of your hands, and, if you’re wise, like water off a duck’s back.
posted by Tegwen at 09:29
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home