A couple of weeks ago, I resisted the temptation to blog about
Jordan's poor little girl, Princess Tiaamii [sic] [and sick].
I resisted the temptation to say how ironically un-classy it is to bestow upon your helpless child a 'title' as a first name.
I resisted the temptation to laugh when I read that she planned to
"get a tattoo on the back of [her] neck with a crown and 'Princess' underneath" - although I suppose it's only fair that if you're going to saddle a child with such a name you get branded as a penance.
I even resisted the temptation to quote this piece of classic reasoning from the child's mother:
"We've put an accent over the first A to make it more exotic and two Is at the end just to make it look a bit different". Because, as we know, making words up as you go along is exotic, and a bit different. Particularly if you add in extraneous letters. As the millions of miniature 'Katii's and 'Amii's and 'Vickii's across the country will attest. And has anyone ever thought to explain to either of them that accents tend to alter the pronunciation of a word? And in different ways, depending upon the accent... So which is it? Or is the accent interchangeable? (Today I shall be Ti-ah-mi, tomorrow, possibly Ti-a!-mi...)
But I've resisted the temptation to do all this. And all because I'm a big softie at heart, and for all their guile, wiley business ways and negligible levels of intelligence, they've had a heck of a time as parents and (names aside - really?! 'Junior' and 'Princess'?) cope remarkably well.
I haven't, however, got much patience with
these two. The Wheatons are two (otherwise) perfectly normal - ie, not sullied by the distortions of fame and 'yes men' - New Zealanders who have decided that the best thing they can do for their beautiful new born son is to call him '4Real'. I kid you not. 4Real. Thank goodness, then for NZ, where common sense legislation prevails and
the authorities have stepped in a put their foot down with a firm fist. They have decreed that it is against the law for anyone to call a child a name which begins with a number.
A lucky escape for the child, you might think. And you'd be right - up to a point. It is true that the child will not be called 4Real. The parents have, instead, fallen back on their second choice of name, while they challenge the NZ Department of Internal Affairs in the law courts over the right to call their child 4Real. Yes, for the time being, he will be legally registered as Superman Wheaton. Phew. A close call there.
Do we think that being called Pat and Sheena might have left them with a couple of teeny little chips on their shoulders?
xx
